Hey,
I didn't write anything this year, but I still want to keep a record of what I remember happened this year.
2022 sucked. Really. It was damn boring and lonely and depressing for me for the first 9 months. NOTHING interesting or happy happened to me. Well.. at least from what I can remember.
Well yeah, my cousin gave birth to a cute baby girl and that was exciting. I was happy for them. However, it's not really my happy moment right? I was soooooooooooo lonely and sluggish and depressed. I was bored, but didn't wanna move a finger. I forced myself to get out of bed and go to gym just because if I didn't, I'd just lay there in bed all day. I prefer weekdays to weekends and actually feel happy on Sunday night because I get to go to work the next day.
Work wise, it was a good year. I was awarded Best Employee of the Quarter twice this year. And I didn't even think that I'd get it. The other department's new employees were suck, and I unintentionally made 1 of them cry. And when she resigned, she said that 1 of the reasons is coz she still gotten over the issue with me @@
What else hmm... in Oct, my dad suddenly found out he had medical issue. We were supposed to fly home at the end of the month, but the medical issue was only confirmed until a week before departure date. So yeah.. lots of uncertainties, phone calls, changing reservations, doctor appointments and project deadlines. It was damn... tired...
Then, I flew home and it started the whole socialising that I practically didn't have for the whole 10 months. Felt like 10 months worth of socialising was dumped into Nov and Dec. I also flew to Malaysia to meet my game friends of 3 years. That was great. If I didn't go, I'd have what ifs. But now that I have gone, I still have another what if lol. Sometimes.. I think God can be real cruel... I feel like he hasn't listened to my prayers for years. But then.. when he finally answered, it was done... cruelly... I'm still hurt till now... I sometimes think maybe I should poof. But then, I think again... do I want to throw all those away? But I also think, how long can I stand it? Can I... last?
I also think that God is a procrastinator. All my social life and problems, and natural disasters were all dumped into the last 2 months of this year.
My dad had his surgery early December. Then it started a week long of tiredness. Hospital visits to keep him company in between of work and social life. Plus, we had to go to hospital in the middle of the night and stayed there. Which means, loss of sleep. My friend also visited from Canberra during that period, so I couldn't sleep in. Plus, office Christmas party within same period.
However, because of this, I realised how good my bosses are. I took planned and unplanned leaves because of my dad's surgery and they never complained. And the 2nd award I got? Turned out that it was for Q3, but I went on holiday after that quarter, and when I'm back, I kept taking leaves coz of my dad and they couldn't present it to me LOLLL My GM said "It's your fault that it's late". Turned out that it was literally my fault xD I don't have much things I'm grateful for this year (I probably should have more, but the first 9 months were so miserable), but my work is the number 1 thing I am grateful for this year. When that newbie cried, everyone took my side. Nobody blamed me or told me off. They all agreed that I didn't mean bad. It's just me being me. Impatient and blunt, straight to the point. I really didn't know if I should be happy or sad when they said, "It's just her being her. She's like that to me! She's like that to everyone!" LOL
My BFF flew here with her husband for Registry of Marriage. So finally we can hang out for a month here. That was really fun and I also enjoy hanging out with her husband. She flew back today, I'll be lonely... Because she was here, I also hung out a lot with friends we didn't get to meet often. It was so much fun. I think I really can be myself when I'm with them. I can laugh freely, I can act clingy, needy, fierce and shameless when I'm with them. I can't be like that with anybody else...
I dropped a long time friend this year. Such a shame. She's found new group of friends and doesn't have time/doesn't put effort into maintaining our friendships. I also have stopped putting effort in maintaining relationships with few friends I used to put effort into. I realised that it was always me reaching out to them. My cousin once said to me, she's also the type that doesn't do the reaching out. But, for me... I think I'm tired already. Why is it always me? If it's always only me, wouldn't that mean I don't worth that much to them? So, what's the point?
On the other hand, there's this game friend who really appreciates our friendships. He said to me today, "Thank you for keeping me company and cheering me up this year. If not because of you, there might not be me today. And I won't get this far". On the other hand, the other friends made me feel underappreciated, or like I was nothing lol You really don't get the things you want in life, but you get other things. Would be good if we can get both though, lol.
Anyway... I hope next year will be better. I'll try to keep myself busy, so I don't have time to overthink or feel lonely. I'll drink more water and try to prioritise myself more. Hopefully that way, I'll be happier.
Purple Lady.
31 Dec 2022 22:29
