Bye 2022, You sucked. Hope 2023 will be Better.

 Hey,

 I didn't write anything this year, but I still want to keep a record of what I remember happened this year.

 2022 sucked. Really. It was damn boring and lonely and depressing for me for the first 9 months. NOTHING interesting or happy happened to me. Well.. at least from what I can remember.

 Well yeah, my cousin gave birth to a cute baby girl and that was exciting. I was happy for them. However, it's not really my happy moment right? I was soooooooooooo lonely and sluggish and depressed. I was bored, but didn't wanna move a finger. I forced myself to get out of bed and go to gym just because if I didn't, I'd just lay there in bed all day. I prefer weekdays to weekends and actually feel happy on Sunday night because I get to go to work the next day.

Work wise, it was a good year. I was awarded Best Employee of the Quarter twice this year. And I didn't even think that I'd get it. The other department's new employees were suck, and I unintentionally made 1 of them cry. And when she resigned, she said that 1 of the reasons is coz she still gotten over the issue with me @@

What else hmm... in Oct, my dad suddenly found out he had medical issue. We were supposed to fly home at the end of the month, but the medical issue was only confirmed until a week before departure date. So yeah.. lots of uncertainties, phone calls, changing reservations, doctor appointments and project deadlines. It was damn... tired...

Then, I flew home and it started the whole socialising that I practically didn't have for the whole 10 months. Felt like 10 months worth of socialising was dumped into Nov and Dec. I also flew to Malaysia to meet my game friends of 3 years. That was great. If I didn't go, I'd have what ifs. But now that I have gone, I still have another what if lol. Sometimes.. I think God can be real cruel... I feel like he hasn't listened to my prayers for years. But then.. when he finally answered, it was done... cruelly... I'm still hurt till now... I sometimes think maybe I should poof. But then, I think again... do I want to throw all those away? But I also think, how long can I stand it? Can I... last?

I also think that God is a procrastinator. All my social life and problems, and natural disasters were all dumped into the last 2 months of this year.

My dad had his surgery early December. Then it started a week long of tiredness. Hospital visits to keep him company in between of work and social life. Plus, we had to go to hospital in the middle of the night and stayed there. Which means, loss of sleep. My friend also visited from Canberra during that period, so I couldn't sleep in. Plus, office Christmas party within same period.

However, because of this, I realised how good my bosses are. I took planned and unplanned leaves because of my dad's surgery and they never complained. And the 2nd award I got? Turned out that it was for Q3, but I went on holiday after that quarter, and when I'm back, I kept taking leaves coz of my dad and they couldn't present it to me LOLLL My GM said "It's your fault that it's late". Turned out that it was literally my fault xD I don't have much things I'm grateful for this year (I probably should have more, but the first 9 months were so miserable), but my work is the number 1 thing I am grateful for this year. When that newbie cried, everyone took my side. Nobody blamed me or told me off. They all agreed that I didn't mean bad. It's just me being me. Impatient and blunt, straight to the point. I really didn't know if I should be happy or sad when they said, "It's just her being her. She's like that to me! She's like that to everyone!" LOL

My BFF flew here with her husband for Registry of Marriage. So finally we can hang out for a month here. That was really fun and I also enjoy hanging out with her husband. She flew back today, I'll be lonely... Because she was here, I also hung out a lot with friends we didn't get to meet often. It was so much fun. I think I really can be myself when I'm with them. I can laugh freely, I can act clingy, needy, fierce and shameless when I'm with them. I can't be like that with anybody else...

I dropped a long time friend this year. Such a shame. She's found new group of friends and doesn't have time/doesn't put effort into maintaining our friendships. I also have stopped putting effort in maintaining relationships with few friends I used to put effort into. I realised that it was always me reaching out to them. My cousin once said to me, she's also the type that doesn't do the reaching out. But, for me... I think I'm tired already. Why is it always me? If it's always only me, wouldn't that mean I don't worth that much to them? So, what's the point?

On the other hand, there's this game friend who really appreciates our friendships. He said to me today, "Thank you for keeping me company and cheering me up this year. If not because of you, there might not be me today. And I won't get this far". On the other hand, the other friends made me feel underappreciated, or like I was nothing lol You really don't get the things you want in life, but you get other things. Would be good if we can get both though, lol.

Anyway... I hope next year will be better. I'll try to keep myself busy, so I don't have time to overthink or feel lonely. I'll drink more water and try to prioritise myself more. Hopefully that way, I'll be happier.

 

Purple Lady.

31 Dec 2022 22:29

2021 Went Just Like That, Hope 2022 is More Memorable

Hello,

I'm sleepy already now, so maybe I won't write much. 

2021 went away just like that. I hardly remember what happened this year =/

 

It feels like I didn't achieve anything this year. Half of the year was spent at home, working from home since Jun 26 until first week of December. I started going out in November, but that was only once or twice. I was lucky to have been able to celebrate my birthday freely, like Covid was gone already. Then I came back to work on the 2nd week of December but then off for 5 days break. Today, NSW had 21,000 new covid cases...lol we are way faster to reach 25k target in Feb lol. We might even reach it tomorrow.

My game friend asked me today, how long have I been back to the office? 2 weeks? I said, more, but upon checking my calendar, I realised it was only for 11 working days lol he's.. right again.

This year made me an even more hermit. Socialising with people sounds like hard work and effort to me now. And now I don't feel like going bushwalking anymore. And some of my closest friends, well just say I don't feel that comfortable around them anymore. What a shame. Maybe I'm breaking down.

I still play that mobile game, and with the same friends. Back in July, the guild leader poofed just like that. So another guildie assumed the leader position and i still acted as the deputy...but with more work. Finally on Xmas eve we relinquished our positions and moved to another guild, to enjoy our retirement. I was tired already, and my game husband was annoyed already by the guildies too, so he pushed the move, which was good. If it's up to me, I might just be a frog that's being boiled to death and it will be too late to jump out of the pot. But in terms of the friends I've been playing with, it's been fun. Of course sometimes I can feel underappreciated or lonely, but in general it's been fun. I got close to another one too, whom I really enjoy chatting with. 

Last week, we started looking after my sister's work mate's Guinea pig, he's called sugar. Surprisingly we are not that bad in taking care of him (I think). Eventhough today I cut his toenail too deep and it bled UwU sorry Sugar....

My birthday this year was pretty good. Some close friends sent me gifts and they made me feel special. Some pranked me, but well... If I wasnt in their mind, they wouldn't bother to, right? And the people dear to me remembered and wished me happy birthday. So, for them, I'm grateful =) 

I hope next year I won't be like sloth like this year. Would be nice to be out again and moving more and be happier. It just feels like a very lethargic year for me this year.

Is this just another wishful thinking? As I sometimes say, God probably has forgotten about me. It's been years since he listened to my prayers. 

But well... I'm still living hao hao de ma? So, for that, I'm still grateful.

Good bye 2021. Please tell 2022 to be wayyyyy more cooler than you.

Happy New Year 2022 everybody! 

Cheers, 

Purple Lady. 

Like a Drama

Hey there,

I think I jinxed it lol

2 weeks after that previous post, Sydney went into lockdown hahahaha... And coincidentally, it started heading towards it after I called in sick for work. Last year's lockdown was also like that lol

So here I am, on my 10th week working from home. Maybe I'm mouldy already lol

Yesterday I was chatting with a game friend about Mystic Pop Up Bar. I recommended it to her, and she tried watching it, liked it and finished it quickly. She said she likes that kind of stories, slice of life and warms the heart. And she likes that it has a good ending. 

 It is my kind of story too. It shows that there are other sides to stories, that maybe everyone isn't as bad as we thought they are. However, too bad it's only a story. A lot of people in that story received help from the main lead, be it to avenge, to get back what they supposed to get, to find things they lost, or anything really... But in real life, we don't have anyone to help us do all those... all you have, is yourself... Everyone else can only pity you, support you or just looking for gossips without doing anything for you... and there's no guarantee of a happy end...

Sometimes I wished life was like in dramas.

Lucky

Hello

I'm on the train back to Sydney after spending the day in Kiama today. It was such a good day. The sky is blue, the weather was nice, a bit too warm for me actually, since I was wearing extra warm heatech and had coat on hahaha...

Anyway, I just read an article about a letter a pilot left at the tray table at his last flight before covid as a time capsule. That day he flew the plane to desert to park it for 14 days. Who knew it was gonna be 459 days before the letter was found.

It got me thinking, and my friends and I actually talked about this today as we were having fish and chips on the grass under the tree. We have been very lucky to be living in Australia. My friend said that when her game buddies from overseas talk about how it is in their countries, only then she realised that we are still in pandemic. We are very lucky that sometimes I feel guilty for it. When we have spikes of cases of 10 a day, some areas were locked down for a week. I wanted to share it to my friends who were living in Asia, but when I started typing, they said their numbers are up again, thousands a day. I started hitting backspace. Malaysia took 7.5k new cases a day before they had another lock down, while Melbourne only needed 10+ 

We only had 3 months of full lock down. After that, though restricted, we still could enjoy the outdoors, went for bushwalk, did coastal walk, mushroom foraging, shopping, movies, and so on. We can still enjoy all those. And when we get symptoms of cold, we can go straight to get covid tested without thinking about the costs. We are indeed, lucky.