Thursday, December 31, 2020

Bye 2020, Not Going to Miss You

 So I didn't write anything for the whole 2020 eh :/ 

2020 sucked, it was such a tiring, frustrating and depressing year for me. I blame it to Covid19. Of course, I'm still grateful that I still have my job, didn't get a paycut, even though my payrise was conveniently cancelled *rolling eyes*, talk about bad timing. I guess this year had a lot of bad timing for me *sigh....

I've always considered myself a more stay at home person. Going out tires me out. So, I was happy at the beginning of quarantine and wfh. I could stay up late to play games, and still had enough sleep and woke up in time for work a.k.a. open my eyes, walk 1.5m to my laptop and start working LOLLL But I wasn't happy when wfh those 3.5 months. The internet speed frustrated me (thanks to you damn Optus), 1 monitor wasn't enough, and I had a very bad back/neck/shoulder pain. The good thing that came out of wfh was that I lost a lot of weight and have now achieved my ideal weight. Strange, I know, people said to me that they all gained weight, but I on the other hand, lost quite a few kilos without even trying. The secret, you ask? SMALL DESK SPACE CANNOT ACCOMODATE SNACKS!!!! And I used to eat out a lot, but couped up at home, I couldn't eat out and my portion grew smaller.

Speaking about couped up at home, thanks to Covid, I realised that sunlight does make me happy. When I feel gloomy at home, I go out for a walk and I feel better with the warmth of the sun on my face. So yes people, sunlight DOES CHEER YOU UP! I never considered myself an outdoorsy person, but I still remember the first time I went out for bushwalking after so many months staying home, I was SO happy. Maybe it was the feeling of prisoners after they are released from jail. I felt so happy, so free, so relieved, like I could breathe again. So weird...

Compared to all years that have passed, I think I got to know myself more this year. And honestly, I do not like it hahaha... I've been very sensitive and moody this year. And guess what, I was so damn happy when I went back to the office to work. We started going back to the office way earlier than other people, and I would have thought that I'd be cursing my bosses for being so conservative and not let us wfh longer, but you know what? I was relieved. My first day back? I was cheerful and happy. I never realised that I enjoy those banters I have with my colleagues, the arguments I have with my colleagues, and them teasing me for any faults that happen eventhough they are not mine. I actually enjoy those social interactions! I said I got to know myself way better right? I did MBTI test and I was identified as ISFJ, which they say the most extroverted introvert, and the type that craves attention from their loved ones (not in an attention seeking or spotlight hugging way, just in a love and care, emotional support and conversation sort of way). I guess I enjoy social interactions but only with people I'm comfortable with?

This year was full of Covid related things. I lost 2 granduncles, 1 from Covid, 1 from other disease. There was also a distant relative that passed away due to Covid. My cousin and 1 of my close friends got married on the same day in Oct. Thank God, 1 got married on Zoom only, so I didn't have to choose which one to attend.

I cut my hair short. I haven't cut my hair short since I was in 2nd grade LOL I got tired of washing and hair drying my hair, and since I didn't have to meet people, I asked my sister to cut it short, and I actually love it hahahaha... I've been having it short most of 2020. This is 1 of the good things Covid gave me.

It's really hard to think what I did this year.... I played games most of the time, watched Netflix, anime, sleep, lazying and procrastinating. I really haven't done much this year...

In terms of friendships, I got closer to my gaming friends. They made me laugh a lot, though they also are the reason why I didn't get enough sleep, pissed or sulking till next day, however... it's been fun, real fun. And I'm scared of when this all ends. I also got closer to my uni friends here. I was surprised to know that apparently they don't have a lot of real life friends too... I've always thought I'm the one with least friends.

I haven't been a good person this year. I also realised that being a good person doesn't give you great return most of the time. You'll be used by other people. Of course I've known that, but I thought I'd be able to pick up the signs and stop it before it happened. Turned out that I was wrong. Who knows if karma actually exists.

What else did I do... I got addicted to reddit for a while, obsessed with MBTI for a while, and went on a phase of buying gifts for people, sent 1 to Spore, 2 to Indo, and 1 in Oz I think. I also treated my colleagues. Something I don't really do often.

I have been unlucky this year. I only won 1 competition for movie premiere, The Croods 2. But guess what, the premier happened on the same day of company Xmas party and I couldn't go. Asked my sis to go instead, and she fell ill on that day. I couldn't even get the goodie bag -.- And my drops in game? very scarce. A lot of annoying events...

So yeah, here's me wishing for a better year ahead. A luckier year, a happier, kinder year, a more exciting year, a more loving year, and people to be more understanding, value, spoil and appreciate me. Is that too much to ask?

And hope I'll be better in 2021, either for the sake of me, or for other people.

<3